One of my best friends I’ve known for 3 years has started ignoring me for one reason, and I don’t know what it is. We had plans to go out of town during weekends and she didn’t show up and refused to answer any of my calls/texts when I asked her about it. I have sent her several texts and called her a few times since then but I haven’t heard from her since we agreed to go out. Yet she remains in contact with our mutual friend who is my best friend and I actually introduced her to. I asked the mutual friend to ask her why she blew me off and isn’t talking to me and the mutual friend said that she said she has been “busy”. I think this is bullcrap because she could have at least told me she didn’t want to go out. It’s not that hard to send a courtesy text. So yeah basically it’s been 5 months since she dumped me.

After a while I still wanted to know why. I am personally very curious about that.  As for me, I am morbidly curious when I’ve been dumped or apparentlyd downgraded or ignored. Whether I act on that curiosity is another question. But, yes, I am very very curious to know. And sometimes I am downright pissed off about it, too. But it’s just about basic human curiousity. My feeling is that, if you are an intellectualy curious person, you are going to want to understand what happened. This is human nature. Those of us who can easily move on and forget about it are probably people who are not very curious or maybe not all that bright. I am sick of the opinion that ‘you are clingy or needy if you seek explanations.’ Nope. You are just curious. You want to know things. You seek to find things out and acquire facts. No one should feel bad about wanting to know anything. And anyone who says there is something wrong with that is probably the kind of person who doesn’t want to know a lot about the world they live in.

Now for over several months that we didn’t talk, and she’d like to reconcile, it’s okay with me. Friends are a different matter. So, in some ways, If she would want to become close again, that would be on her terms, really. I’m not saying I would tell her that things were over—I would just no longer pursue the friendship. In other words, SHE would have to do most of the work because I certainly have done most of the work in the friendship thus far. I was open to keeping the lines of communication open, though. I think at least things will be easier in group situations, which is a relief to me. And I think we can be friendlier in general. But I doubt we will ever be close friends again. Trust is such a hard thing to rebuild. She took my friendship for granted and sadly that takes a toll on the friendship. It’s sometimes pointless to think that things could ever be really good once you realize how little you were to her, thought about from the beginning.

And quite honestly, distance has made me realize how good it is to feel finding another friends, who are really worthy of me. In the middle of detaching myself from her, I didn’t realize how much I missed hanging out with my family. But we’re all doing well by now.I believe that it’s all in the way I handle it that will make or break me in dealing with these. Positive attitude, positive perception and a keen sense of self awareness and confidence in I am and what I know as the truth will always guide me on the most righteous path. xx

To God be the Glory.

(recovered post from old site: http://twentythreediaries.tumblr.com/post/34289002210/dying-friendship)


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